


Phil Coulson and the Stir Crazy Hockey Players aka Wear Your Mask, so Phil Doesn't Have to Deal with this AGAIN

by uofmdragon



Series: Wisconsin Avengers [4]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: 2020 NHL Coronavirus Pause, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Hockey, COVID-19, M/M, Social Media Challenges, Stay at Home Orders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:22:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27575810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uofmdragon/pseuds/uofmdragon
Summary: Wherein Phil comes home to find Clint and Kate in the midst of increasing insane Stay at Home Social Media challenges as they attempt to fight boredom during the Covid-19 closures.Basically, a 5 things Clint and Kate did to alleviate boredom during the shutdown in spring of 2020 and 1 thing Phil might do to alleviate his boredom when Clint goes back to work and Kate trusts her friends to be safe to go to a cabin with them.This is story set during the Coronavirus Shutdowns in the US and deals with the Coronavirus
Relationships: Clint Barton & Kate Bishop, Clint Barton/Phil Coulson
Series: Wisconsin Avengers [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/512386
Comments: 14
Kudos: 45
Collections: Marvel Trumps Hate 2020





	Phil Coulson and the Stir Crazy Hockey Players aka Wear Your Mask, so Phil Doesn't Have to Deal with this AGAIN

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Celticas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Celticas/gifts).



> Written for Celticas and MTH
> 
> We tossed a few ideas back and forth, but ultimately asked for a fic in the Wisconsin Avengers verse. I suggested the lockdown element along with a few suggestions. She chose the cabin fever elements and Kate coming to crash.
> 
> While I stuck to the timeline in the opening. The timeline in the middle becomes more ambiguous, basically I didn't research when certain challenges became popular, but I did look at the closure and shut down timeline.
> 
> Important Dates:  
> On 3/11 University of Wisconsin announced that they would not be returning after break, essentially 3/13 was the last day of classes.  
> On 3/23, Wisconsin announced closure of all non-essential business.  
> On 3/27, Trump signs the CARES act which could help Phil's business

March 12, 2020

Phil stared at the TV, swallowing slowly. He glanced over at Melinda, who was nodding slowly. "It's for the best."

"You don't have to live with him," Phil pointed out, but he knew the NHL stopping play was a good idea, especially as cases began growing with this COVID-19 thing. 

"Do you really want him traveling right now? Being around fans and who knows what else?"

"No, I don't," Phil agreed. "But a complete shutdown? He's not going to handle it well." He sighed. "At least, he'll have Kate to keep him company."

"Kate?" Daisy asked.

"She's coming to our place like she normally does," Phil said, thinking back to the conversation. "She's going to self-isolate for two weeks, but Clint basically has two suites, so we just have to drop off food for her." Actually, Clint worrying about Kate would occupy him for a bit. 

Of course, a few hours later the NCAA fully cancelled the tournaments for the rest of the year. It didn't sound as if they were going to try to reschedule. 

*

March 23, 2020

Phil walked into the house that Clint had bought last year, well, both their names were on it, but it was mostly Clint's money. It was more space, but a bigger commute, but then Kate had come and never left. Natasha and Bucky were apt to stay over in the off season as were the other hockey players. 

The smell of food cooking greeted him and when Phil made his way to the kitchen, sure enough the kitchen was a mess. Clint was stress cooking again and most likely for Kate, who they'd seen very little of. She'd come in late at night and gone straight to her rooms and only came out when both Clint and Phil were out of the house to do some laundry.

"Hey," Clint greeted, leaning forward and then pulling back when Phil's hand came up.

"Decon," Phil reminded him.

Clint sighed. "Yeah, go shower."

Phil nodded and went to shower off. Time in the military and he knew the procedure. Shower first and wash off any germs that was the plan he'd decided to implement with this whole Covid-19 thing.

His next stop after the shower was the washer where his work clothes went in. Then he went into the kitchen where Clint stood. He walked straight to his lover and kissed him gently on. "Hi."

"Hey Phil," Clint murmured. "How was your day?"

"Busy, trying to determine if Latte-da is essential or not."

"And you decided?"

"Essentially, we serve food, but we're going to carry out and delivery," Phil said. "So it'll be a three man operation. One person driving, one person taking orders through phone, in person, internet, and one person working the machines and sandwiches. We're going to pod the workers, so it's always the same three together."

Clint nodded. "Melinda?"

"At home with the kids and willing to keep an eye on Gabe, so Robbie can work."

"Trip, Skye, and I will run the shifts as manager. Skye will work with Robbie and Piper. Trip will work with Fitz and Simmons. I get Elena and Deke. We can distance ourselves in the shop. Delivery people will be split with Birdie's as well as some of the smaller shops. We'll undercut doordash with our delivery fee."

"Nice idea," Clint said. "Think it'll work?"

"Gonna try, everyone was given the option of being furloughed or laid off, but well, unemployment is skyrocketing and who knows if that relief effort will actually make it through anytime soon and how much it'll be, so…"

"Lemme know if you need help, I got a good nest egg. I can try and make sure your employees can make ends meet."

Phil smiled. "I appreciate that. Andrew has been doing teletherapy for a while now. Melinda is going without a paycheck as am I, because my boyfriend is a big name hockey player."

"Always knew you wanted me for my money," Clint said, but the teasing was lacking.

"You okay?"

"America is sick and Kate is worried." Phil blinked, before remembering that Kate's hockey-not-a-girlfriend's first name was America. Chavez tended to be how she was referred to during the season.

Phil hummed. "And you're worried, because you know how close those two are."

"Yeah," Clint agreed, glancing away. 

"So what did you make?" Phil asked.

"Some of Kate's favorites," Clint said. "I'm going to run some to Nat's tomorrow."

"Yell at her through the window, she'll appreciate that," Phil encouraged, because he knew that Clint wasn't going near Natasha, not with Phil working.

"Yeah, I think I will," Clint agreed.

*

"Phil, you're home!" Kate greeted him with a wave.

"He has to shower first Katie!" Clint called after him.

"You're out." Phil said.

"It's been two and half weeks. I stayed extra cooped up to try and keep you guys safe," Kate pointed out. "Go shower, I want to make a video for the 'gram."

Phil eyed her, before sighing. Maybe, she'd be distracted by the time he got out. He made sure to take his time in the shower, before taking his clothes to the washer. He wandered out to see both of them waiting for him in the living room. "Do I have to?"

"Please, it's super cute," Kate said.

"It really is," Clint said. He patted the seat next to him. "You get to sit next to me."

"I'm going to need more of an explanation," Phil said as he went to sit down on the couch.

"It's called the [Couples Challenge](https://www.republicworld.com/entertainment-news/whats-viral/what-is-the-couple-challenge-find-out-all-the-details-here.html) We're going to close our eyes and Kate is going to ask us questions and we have to point at whoever the answer fits best, so like if she said 'the best goalie'." Phil pointed at Clint. "Yeah, just like that."

"Okay," Phil said, looking at Kate. "Let's do this then."

Kate grinned, holding up her phone. "Okay, close your eyes. First question! Who initiated the first kiss?"

Phil pointed toward Clint. 

"Who apologizes first after a fight?" Phil hesitated, they really didn't fight very much. He pointed at himself. Kate snorted.

"Who is the funny one?" Phil pointed toward Clint.

"Who is more romantic?" Phil kept his finger toward Clint.

"Who is the better cook?" There was no question on this, it was Clint. He was the one that cooked the majority of their meals, mostly healthy, because he had a meal plan.

"Who is the most patient?" Phil pointed at himself.

"Who is the messy one?" Phil pointed at Clint, because the other man loved to drop his gear by the door in order to get his hands on Phil as soon as possible and then forget about it.

"Who is grumpier in the morning?" Phil kept his finger on Clint, so grumpy.

"Who is the social butterfly?" Phil let his finger wobble, before settling on Clint. With the team, he had way more social activities and friends.

"Who is more stubborn?" Phil pointed at himself. He did tend to not let some things go.

"Who said I love you first?" Phil pointed at Clint.

"Oh my gosh, really?" Kate groaned. "Don't open your eyes, Barton. We have one more question - Who is the bigger baby when sick?"

Phil reluctantly pointed at himself. Clint tried to take care of himself and hide that he wasn't feeling good until he was too sick to do anything.

"Okay, you can open your eyes." Kate said. 

Phil opened his eyes to see her smiling at them. "Do I want to know?"

"You both think the other is more romantic and that the other said I love you first."

"You said it first," Phil said, looking at Clint.

"No, you did, at the Alaska game. You said, you'd love me even if we lost. I said it after that."

Phil blinked and… "Huh, you remember that?"

"Yeah, I do," Clint agreed, leaning in and kissing him again.

"Also, you both think you apologize first," Kate said. "When really Natasha and Melinda kick some sense into you and get you to slink back to the other about the same time."

"We don't fight that much," Phil pointed out. "Hard to figure out."

"Yeah," Clint said.

Kate's eyes narrowed. "So sappy. I'm going to cut some of the beginning and the ending and I'm posting!" She left the room.

"Can we have steak quesadillas?" Phil asked, glancing at Clint.

"Yeah, I got peppers," Clint said, getting up and heading to the kitchen.

*

"Phil, hurry up and shower, we need you to record something for us!" Clint yelled.

Phil closed the door and did as requested. He could hear music and laughter over the running of water. Once the laundry was in, he went to the living to discover that the furniture had pushed back and a yoga mat was in place.

"What am I recording?" Phil asked.

"[Planking Challenge](https://www.instagram.com/p/B_aOvV7B83k/?utm_source=FuckOff&utm_campaign=FuckOff)," Clint answered, handing Phil his phone.

"Planking?" Phil asked. "Isn't that… passe?"

Kate snorted. "You'll see."

"Alright," Phil said, opening the phone app and putting it on video. "I'm recording."

Kate tapped a button on her phone as they set themselves in plank position. 

_I swear I can joke_ They went down onto their elbows, right then left. Then back to their hands. 

_I say what's on my mind_ Legs went from together to separate and back together. Then repeated. 

_If I drink, if I smoke_ Inner hand went to their outer shoulder and then they clapped together.

 _I keep up with the guys_ Clint tucked into a roll while Kate jumped over him. Then Kate rolled toward and Clint jumped over her again. 

They repeated for another verse and then collapsed with laughter as Kate didn't quite clear Clint on the second jump. Phil hit stop.

"How'd that look?" Clint asked.

"Good?" Phil said, but handed the phone to Kate when she made grabby hands for it. 

She watched it and nodded. "I think if we cut after the first one series, we're fine. Most only go that far."

"Awesome," Clint said.

*

Phil's phone dinged as he finished taking Max's order. He used the sanitizer and glanced at it, finding two pictures from Steve along with the text, "[Getty Museum Challenge](https://blogs.getty.edu/iris/getty-artworks-recreated-with-household-items-by-creative-geniuses-the-world-over/) starts now!"

The first picture was of an art piece and Phil wasn't nearly educated enough to know the name and title. It featured a couple on a boat. The second picture was similar in that Steve and his girlfriend Peggy had stuffed themselves in a canoe and had a blue plastic tarp to make the waves. Instead of the boater's hat the gentleman in the picture was wearing, Steve had a baseball hat on. Steve was wearing white like the man in the picture and was semi-leaning on the oar. He'd drawn a fake mustache on his finger and was holding it under his nose in a poor attempt to mimic the man's mustache. Peggy was draped in something that Phil guessed was a sheet to get the lines. Her visor was on backward and flipped upward to be similar to the woman's hat and there appeared to be crumpled paper on her head. She also had a face shield. The canoe was far narrower than the boat in the artwork, so her legs were draped over the second edge.

"I think the team is bored," Phil said, glancing at Max.

Max arched an eyebrow and Phil turned his phone around, so Max could see it.

"Apparently, they're doing a Getty Museum Challenge?" Phil said, with a shrug.

"I'll check the official twitter later," Max said with a nod. "Saw the Couples Challenge, cute."

Phil nodded. He didn't appear in many of Clint's social media posts, but apparently when they appeared together the hits and views soared. His regulars would have given him a bit more grief, but most of them were taking delivery. Max was a trucker, so he showed up when in town.

"How have the roads been?"

"Empty," Max said. "We're busy, could use some more truckers, but no one wants to train now- close quarters."

Phil nodded. 

"Nice mask, by the way," Max said.

Phil nodded. "My mother is making them and wants to make sure we're covered. I can get one for you, next time you come through."

"Get one for Furiousa?" 

"Of course," Phil agreed. He wasn't surprised. His mom had bought up a bunch of Avengers fabric when it had been released and now she was making them for the family and Clint's. All his employees had multiple masks now. Phil added Max's name to the list as Deke set the coffee down on a table along with the muffin, before backing away. No contact, even in the store. Max went to get it and nodded at Phil on his way out.

His phone was quiet for a while, before suddenly going off again. This time from Natasha. Again, the first piece was an artwork. They'd hung a red sheet to the ceiling with duct tape along with a pillow from their bed. Natasha was in a bathrobe white and holding up two sheets of cardboard, painted and cut to look like wings. Bucky was wearing a blue Brewer's jersey and adorned in what was a bed sheet with subtle little flowers on it and seated at a footrest with a book on it. 

Yep, the hockey players were definitely getting bored.

The third picture came when Phil was handing things over to Skye and making sure she was set for the rest of the day. It was from Wade and he groaned seeing it.

"That's a face," Skye noted.

"I'm included in the hockey group text," Phil said. "Steve has challenged everyone to…"

"The Getty Challenge, Yeah, I saw that!" Skye said. "I'm going to find something I think, if I can talk Robbie into it."

Phil glanced over to where Robbie was seated, who glanced up at his name, before shrugging. "Find a good piece and sure."

"So…" Skye said.

"It's from Wade."

"That's gotta be good, I wanna see."

Phil opened the text and found the artwork, which was more of a line drawing than the others. The next picture was Wade with his hockey pads on the outside to simulate the woman's armor. It looked like Wade had literally drawn on the wall to mimic the background of the picture. He was holding his hockey helmet inplace of the severed head, but had a print out of Loki's head. Some people still held grudges, not that Phil blamed him for that. He had a paper crown with Phil guessing it was saran wrap hanging down over the shoulder to simulate the woman's veil. In place of the sword was a hockey stick with what looked to be a stuffed bird duct taped to the handle. The skirt was made of shower curtain with unicorns on it, but was see-through where the unicorns weren't. Without real thought, Phil's eyes drifted and yep… that was semi-distorted Wade dick in the picture. He winced, turning the phone away, because he needed to clean his eyes to unsee that.

Of course, Skye snatched his phone to see for herself.

"You don't…" Phil started to warn her.

Skye shushed him and then tilted her head. "Huh, Wilson's kind of hung. Hope Darcy catches that before she posts it."

Phil shook his head and headed home. He shouldn't have been surprised when he found Clint and Kate waiting for him. 

"Hey Phil, wanna do a challenge with us?" Kate greeted.

"No," Phil said, not wanting to.

"But we picked out this really fun picture and we need a third," Clint said, holding up his laptop screen to show three women dancing on a hilltop. "You can even hide your face."

"I'd rather not," Phil said. "Thank you for thinking of me though."

"Fine," Clint said.

"Plan B?" Kate asked as Phil walked away.

"Plan B." Clint agreed. "I'll go get the matches."

Phil hesitated, but surely, he'd misheard Clint. He finished routine and found the house empty, but could hear voices from outside. He stepped outside to see large flames coming from the grill and a crude wooden animal type thing on the grill. Clint was standing naked in nothing, but a towel covering his junk while standing on a milkcrate. Kate was kneeling in front of Clint, wearing pink shorts, an orange tablecloth from the Halloween supplies wrapped around her waist, a white long sleeve shirt with a teal short sleeve short with the longsleeve shirt pushed up past her elbows. Some hockey socks pulled up to her knee completed her look. They'd stolen some Santas and set it by the grill with one of the empty flower pots nearby. 

"Oh, good, Phil, you're here, can you snap the pic, the remote isn't working," Kate said.

Phil sighed and moved over to where they had set the camera, figuring that was the angle they wanted. The wooden animal seemed to have horns. "Ready?" Phil asked.

Kate looked pleading at Clint while Clint looked at the camera, kind of cupping his junk with the towel. "Ready," they both said.

PHil snapped the picture.

"Flames look big enough?" Clint asked.

"Maybe?" Phil said. "I'm not sure what you're going for?" He snapped a few more just to be on the safe side and handed the phone to Kate, who flipped through his options.

"We got it," Kate said.

"Great, I'm going to put some clothes back on while the flames die down enough to grill on." Clint said, heading inside and it was only then that Phil realized he'd actually used two towels, so that one would trail behind him. They were the ugly flower towels, they'd gotten as a gift years ago. Phil hoped Clint had "accidently" destroyed them for this.

His phone pinged and Phil opened it to find the original artwork and nodded. The wooden animal was apparently supposed to be a cow. They'd actually done a halfway decent job of it. 

*

Phil stepped out of the laundry room with narrowed eyes. After completing [the Blinding Light Challenge](https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/laurenstrapagiel/blinding-lights-tiktok-dance-challenge-parents) and the [Ghen Covy Challenge](https://www.billboard.com/articles/news/international/9329174/vietnam-coronavirus-psa-song-best-tiktok-dance-videos), it was remarkably quiet in the house. Really it was too quiet. 

"Clint? Kate?" Phil called out.

"Living room," Clint yelled back.

Phil felt his stomach sink as he headed there. The living room was where chaos reigned in Phil's mind. He entered it slowly to find Kate and Clint leaning against one another, but sprawled on the couch. Both had their Nintendo Switches out in handheld mode. He hesitated to ask, but he couldn't help himself. "What are you doing?"

"Decided to buy Animal Crossing: New Horizons," Clint answered.

"Clint bought me Animal Crossing," Kate added.

Phil pursed his lips and let it go. At least, he didn't have to record them while they danced to some obscure song or even an obscure song in another language. "You guys want Chinese for dinner?"

"Yeah," they said.

Phil nodded and turned to leave the room.

"No kiss?" Clint questioned. 

Phil smiled venturing over to give Clint a kiss and watched as Clint tried to contour his face to kiss Phil, but still keep his eyes on the screen. Finally, Clint's lips made contact and he jerked back to his game. Phil kissed Clint's forehead, reminded himself that he loved this man, whole-heartedly. Clint rarely got like this and he could handle it for an evening or two.

*

Phil entered the bedroom to go shower to find Clint squirming into a purple minidress. Phil blinked as he took it in, because Clint had the legs to pull it off. 

Clint turned. "I'm not… Hey Phil!"

"Clint," Phil said. "Do I…?"

"It's for [a challenge!](https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/entertainment/a31283141/flip-the-switch-challenge-tiktok/)" Clint answered.

"Challenge?"

"Yeah, I think it's Drake, Kate could tell you, but the lyric goes. I just 'Hit the Switch' and the people are supposed to switch places and attitudes. I get to show Kate up, because I'm going to outsex her in this thing." He slapped his own ass. "Wish me luck."

"Good luck," Phil said as Clint headed out the door. Phil went to shower quickly, because he had to see this.

"What The Fuck?!" Kate screeched as Phil hit the living room a few minutes later. Clint was doing the splits and Kate was staring at him dumbfounded. "How are you this flexible?!"

"Karma Sutra," Clint answered with a straight face.

Phil knew that Kate was making that 'ew' face even though her back was to him. She'd gone still as she processed it. "ARGH, Barton!" 

She turned and stormed past Phil.

Clint popped back up. "I'd offer to show you the video, but she took the phone."

"That's okay," Phil said, heading over to Clint and leaning back to eye Clint's ass in the skirt. Huh, maybe he had a bit of kink.

"Phil?" Clint asked.

"You look good in that," Phil admitted.

"Yeah?" Clint said, ducking his head to look at Phil through his eyelashes.

"Yeah," Phil said, resting his hand on Clint's ass and then just stroking along the hemline.

Clint shuddered and leaned into him. "We can't wreck the outfit until we know the video is good, Phil."

"I know," Phil agreed, nipping at Clint's earlobe. "But I really want to fuck you in it."

Clint moaned. "Later?"

"Now," Phil said, grinding his hardening cock against Clint's leg.

Clint's eyes closed and he whimpered. "Yeah, yeah, let's go."

*

"C'mon Katie! Eight! OH," Clint's voice greeted him at the door. 

Phil headed toward the sound to see the both had hockey sticks out. "Do I want to know?"

"So, a bunch of soccer players have done this [Toilet Paper Challenge](https://www.bbc.co.uk/newsround/51924031), where they try to get juggle toilet paper and get ten touches, before it drops," Kate said. "We're doing it with hockey sticks, because hockey is better."

Phil nodded, dimly recalling Fitz mentioning it. He glanced at Clint. "How'd you do?"

"Ten touches, took me most of the day," Clint answered, holding the phone. "Kate's turn."

Phil nodded, glancing at Kate. "Good luck."

"Thanks," Kate said. "Alright, I'm ready to go again."

"Recording!" Clint said and Phil left them to it. He went through his routine, aware of Clint and Kate's voices slowly getting louder as he showered. 

Phil headed downstairs to discover that the juggling of the toilet paper had turned into a full blown toilet paper indoor hockey game. Phil was tempted to stop them, but he could see the light in their eyes. They missed hockey.

He pulled his phone out and started recording. Darcy would love this and so would the fans, especially with the announcement of A-Force, the WNHL that was supposed to start next year. He was pretty sure that Stark had bought a team so that Clint and Kate could stay close by and planned to open it the year she was supposed to graduate when he could have a top draft pick to get her.

Phil frowned, realizing that Kate would be missing out on a lot of things. Her team was set to go to the National Championship and that had been cancelled months ago, she wouldn't have her graduation ceremony. No, like so many others Kate's life wasn't fair. However, all of them were in a much better spot than others. He knew Stark was doing his best and trying to make sure his people were taken care of from those at the stadium to those at Stark Industries. Stark had been one of the first to switch to making PPE, overruling his own board. 

Clint would have an idea of how to make sure Kate's graduation was celebrated. Maybe that was why he was doing all these ridiculous challenges to keep her mind off of things. No, Phil decided, it was because Clint was bored. With the weather turning really nice, the projects would begin on the house soon enough. 

Phil left them to the game, but called to place an order for Pho. He'd let his idiots tire themselves out.

*

"I miss you," Clint said, looking directly at the camera, so he seemed to be looking directly at Phil.

"I miss you, too," Phil said. 

Clint was in Canada, living in the hockey bubble to end the season. The Avengers had a good chance of winning things even with the shutdown. "Be safe, I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Same," Phil said, ending the video chat.

He closed the laptop lid and glanced around the empty house. Kate had left to meet up with some friends at a cabin, where they could self-isolate, but see one another. Phil sighed, glancing around for the remote. He couldn't find it, so he got up and dug into the sofa. It did like to eat the remotes. He found it along with a piece of paper. The paper was labeled: Challenges in Kate's handwriting and there was a list of all the challenges they had done, each one crossed off.

Phil hesitated, thinking back. He could probably do the Getty Museum challenge by himself, if he could find the right painting…

**Author's Note:**

> The actual artwork:
> 
> Steve and Peggy remade [Boating by Edouard Manet](https://www.metmuseum.org/art/collection/search/436947)  
> Natasha and Bucky remade [The Annunciation by Dieric Bouts](https://www.getty.edu/art/collection/objects/754/dieric-bouts-the-annunciation-netherlandish-about-1450-1455/)  
> Wade did [Judith by Maerten van Heemskerck](https://www.getty.edu/art/collection/objects/319/maerten-van-heemskerck-judith-dutch-1560/)  
> Kate and Clint suggested [Russian Dancers by Degas](https://blogs.getty.edu/iris/orgies-of-color-degas-russian-dancers/)  
> Ultimately, they went with [Galatea and Pygmalian by Agnolo Bronzino](https://www.wikiart.org/en/agnolo-bronzino/galatea-and-pygmalion)


End file.
